A Just A Little Bit Orange Feature. By Clara Pettitt. Copyright © 9/19/2000. All Rights Reserved.

Poor Jane.

It's a dreary Saturday in late Summer, made more dreary by the knowledge that tomorrow she has to attend the wedding of her dearest friend, Christy.

Not that the wedding will be dreary: far from it. It's just that, in anticipation of the event, she purchased a strapless light turquoise nylon blend dress, the sort of thing that shows off a spectacular summer tan to best advantage.

Unfortunately, it's also the kind of dress that shows off pale skin to its worst advantage.

Jane doesn't have a spectacular summer tan. In fact, if she doesn't put on a little blush in the morning, people are apt to wave smelling salts under her nose and recommend immediate medical attention, leaving her fuming inwardly: There is nothing wrong with me, I'm just pale! Is that a crime?

She envisions herself at the wedding in her now horrifying dress. There will be many children, so even if she manages to escape comment from the adults [no sure thing], there is going to be some child [undoubtedly a nine year old] who will not fail to point out to her that she is possibly the palest person on earth.

It could all be almost tolerable, but for one thing: Christy has purposely invited her rarely seen cute cousin Joey from Florida, who once said Jane had beautiful eyes, and, just like Jane, he will attend the wedding without a date.

But wait: There is something she can do. Some months ago, she read an article about the new, improved sunless tanning products. She can't remember which products were recommended, but that doesn't matter too much, because there was something about application being more important than the product used.

She is sure of one thing, though: Her fake tan must be as dark as possible. I want to look like George Hamilton, she vows grimly.

It's late, after 8 PM, but she knows there is a jumbo 24-hour drugstore somewhere out there. At 9 PM, she finds one. The dusty collection of sunless tanners are shunted off to a corner, relegated to the back shelves by the outpouring of Halloween candy and turkey festooned paper plates.

As Jane looks over the paltry display of slightly chewed looking sunless tanning products, her heart sinks momentarily. There isn't much to choose from. But what about that Mr. Pumpkin Ultra Ultra Dark? Its snazzy bright orange package is tempting, and it's only $1.99 for 16 ounces!