Jane Gets the Worst Sunless Tan of Her Life — Page Three

Rinsing her hands in the sink, she puts on pajamas and goes to bed. It's after one in the morning and she feels exhausted.

The next thing she knows there is a large insect in the room that just won't shut up. She swats at it and wakes up fully when she hears the alarm clock crash to the floor. She squints warily at the upside down clock: 9 AM. Yikes!

She's going to have to really hurry to make it in time to do the flowers. She runs into the bathroom, flips on the light.

And screams.

A vision of orangeness confronts her in the mirror. It's so bad she laughs; then she almost cries. And her feet! They glow like roadside flares.

But there is no time. She rushes through her shower and throws on jeans and a sweatshirt. Her dress, slip, shoes, and other necessities are already packed in a bag so she can change just before the ceremony.

For a few hours Jane is so busy she doesn't have a chance to think about her appearance. How could the florist have confused gladioli with gardenias? The crisis over, Jane heads to the small storage room the ladies have commandeered for a dressing area. Christy is already there, fully dressed, trying not to bite her just manicured nails.

Grateful for the dim light, Jane puts on her outfit and makes up her face. As she surveys the final result, Christy whispers in her ear: "You brat! Haven't you heard you're not supposed to outshine the bride?"

Jane smiles and hugs her. An ocean of tears threatens, but they are saved when Christy's mom shrieks: "It's time!"

Jane's mood of joy lasts; not even the loud question ["Why are you so orange?"] from the flower girl, the groom's nine year old niece, is able to shake it.

Not that she doesn't feel a bit self conscious seated next to Joey at dinner: a typical Floridan, he sports a deep, dark tan, exactly what she had envisioned for herself.

The evening over, she gladly accepts Joey's offer to escort her to her car. Her car is still a hundred feet off when a warm rain starts to fall. They sprint to the car as quickly as they can in their finery and get inside.

"Let me drive you back to your hotel," Jane starts to say, but the words freeze on her lips. Joey's tan is melting! Could it be...?

"Jan Tana Studio Tan Face and Body Bronzer," he explains, then laughs.

For a long time, there was nothing to be heard but the sounds of rain falling and two people laughing.